Zeno of Elea, noted Ancient Greek Philosopher, Murdered Near Home

(AP) - Ancient Athens, Ancient Greece.

Noted ancient Greek philosopher Zeno of Elea was found dead by slaves today outside his residence in Ancient Athens. Details of mr. Of Elea's death are still sketchy and unclear, but the city guards have released information indicating that mr. Of Elea had been brutally murdered while attempting to leave his house.

Sources close to the household said that mr. Of Elea had been struck in the chest by several arrows. Ground nearby seemed to hold many turtle tracks. Tortoistic involvement is suspected by city guards.

Said one nearby gentleman: "had it coming, 'e did."